You know how sometimes you have a problem and you need to say it out loud, but not because you need someone to solve it? You just want to be heard? Well, I have one of those problems.
I'm lonely.
Ew! You're not supposed to say that out loud. It means you're a loser, right? Well, I'm not so sure.
Obviously, it would be nice if it were solved. I mean, nobody wants to be lonely. But I don't want it to be solved by anyone's penis or anyone's empty promises. I've been there and done that. I even have the t-shirt. Literally.
But before I go racing off to some social media site to fill this need, or even worse, a dating app, let's come to some kind of consensus first: Is lonely even a problem?
My answer is: not yet. Like most other situations, something only achieves "problem" status when it reaches a certain mass. Hunger isn't a problem, unless it goes on too long. Not doing your dishes isn't a problem, unless it goes on too long, etc. So, no. Loneliness isn't a problem. Yet.
If you are trying to decide if you have a problem, whether it's loneliness or hunger, you have to ask the question: can you end it? That's really the defining factor of problemhood. Is there a solution and can you implement it? If the answer is yes, then you don't have a problem. You have a situation. You have an opportunity. You are basically, alive.
So now that we've cleared that up, I guess I really don't have a loneliness problem. Because I can easily end it. It's more like I have a loneliness...potato. There's so much I can do with it, and it's completely up to me! Fry it, mash it, bake it. Or I can do nothing at all and just wait for those little sprouty things to pop up.
For now, I feel okay with just letting it be. It's amazing how one deep breath and one step back can de-fang so many a monster.
Thank you, Sarah Silverman, for helping with this particular fang extraction. On a recent podcast she addressed a listener's break-up angst with this advice:
"I think you should work on being alone. Being your own best friend. You can't be alone for a week? Then you are not ready for a healthy relationship right now. You gotta become your own best friend. Get comfortable with that. You're talking to a woman who went from relationship to relationship to relationship, but this last time I was single for maybe two years and it was a real gift because I really fell in love with being alone and realized about myself that I need to be alone for long periods of time every day and that I like myself and I, ya know, I would come home and be like "whatta ya' wanna do tonight, me?" And I did it; exactly what I wanted to do. Pretty uh...it's kind of a revelation. So maybe work on that. That's what I say. Work on your shit first, be happy being alone. Put yourself together first, and then have a relationship."
Listen for yourself! Go to time marker 27:32 and see what you think: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=q4etbUMD9R8
