Wednesday, July 1, 2009

The verdict from the Huntsman Center was reassuring and disappointing at the same time. Reassuring because they basically said; "Yep...your doctor is right...this is weird, we've never seen anything like it....let's wait and see what happens." That sounded oddly familiar...but it was good to hear my doctor's initial diagnosis verified. Yet disappointing to realize there's still no answers.

This made me reflect on some observations I made as a young adult. I decided there were three signs to knowing that you had officially grown up: 1. You have to empty your own barf bucket. 2. You realize that some ice cream brands really do taste better than others. 3. You realize for the first time that doctors don't know everything and can't fix everything. There may be more signs to growing up than this, but as far as I'm concerned, these are the basics that all others are built upon and have yet to be proven wrong. : )

But even though doctors don't know everything, they do know a lot more than me. For instance, I've learned new words, like "nadir". It means lowest point. They use it in cancer to describe when you feel the lousiest during your chemo recovery. This last round of chemo for me, had an unusually long nadir. As a result, I only had six days of "yeah! I'm back to my usual self, please pass the water" as opposed to my usual 10-14 days.

I also learned the word "lacrimation" which means production of tears. My eyes cry almost constantly, even when the rest of me is perfectly composed. It's been a new side effect of the chemo. As inconvenient as it can be to try and drive with blurry eyes and as uncomfortable as it is to have salt water drying out the skin around your eyes, I'm actually grateful that the side effect isn't lack of tears. I'm terrible with eye-drops!

As of tomorrow, we'll be half-way through my treatments . The initial "adventure" approach to this whole ordeal has officially worn off. It's now been reduced to a mere "burden" status with an occasional "lost my mind" here and there.

But I did get to go to church Sunday, AND I was blessed this week to see, just by chance, someone going out of their way to take care of someone else. And there's just something about that that makes you feel right again.


  1. To quote Dory: "Just keep swimming!"
    And in case you were worried: that "burden" and "lost my mind" thing... TOTALLY ACCEPTABLE!

    At least you know you have SO MANY people in your corner. If you were a prize fighter, there wouldn't be room for the match! We are pulling for you.

  2. auargh! not knowing is so hard! i love the dory philosophy! just keep on, keeping on - that is what Gladis from the Ellen show says!

    you are the grooviest!

    chat with you soon!

  3. Anna-Marie says: sometimes all you can do is take it one day at a time and keep going...yesterday I was driving a herd of cattle and Dwayne went up ahead to push the cattle down the right way...I came into many trees, couldn't see half my herd and wondered if I would find Dwayne, I panicked. But I kept pushing the cattle until I finally found Dwayne again. We did have to go back for some cattle who got lost among the trees. But the point is I kept going. If I had given up it would have been a mess. For Dory it is keep swimming, for some of us I guess it is keep herding. Keep going Rosemary. We love you!

  4. Anna-Marie says: I have to add my "officially grown up story." I thought I was all grown up until I had my first child. At 4am, the phone rang by my bed and the voice on the other end said: "Would you like to nurse your baby." (After being up all night the day before I was out of it)--so my first thought was: "What baby?" sad, huh. Then I thought: "Oh, I have a new baby!" Then I thought: "Let my mom take care of her." Then I realized: My mom is gone.
    She had passed away 2 years previous. I was the caregiver now. That was quite the eye-opener for me. Just thought I'd add this story for fun, although it probably isn't something I should be proud of. I know Sara is quite disaappointed that I did't even remember having her at 4am.

  5. you guys are wonderful cheerleaders! thank you! i love the analogies