Thursday, March 22, 2012

Iron Chef

I'm running away from my kitchen right now.  I'm keeping my bra; but burning my apron.  I protest!!! I've never been a "foodie" nor have I ever loved cooking the way some people do.   Cookbooks get me about as excited as bathroom scales do, least I could hold my own in the kitchen. I could definitely perform the needed culinary tasks with confidence that it was all going to be worth the effort in the end.

 But that was back when my cooking was actually kinda good.  Back when dinner was tasty.  That was before every fourth person I met became allergic to gluten, before every twelfth person I met became allergic to nuts and back before my husband became allergic to... everything else.

So, I look at Iron Chef America a little differently now.  This is a show where two chefs from the elite cooking class are given a "secret ingredient" (like fish or cucumbers) and a kitchen filled with every other edible ingredient known (and unknown) to mankind and they have an hour to create three or four dishes using that secret ingredient.  Whomever produces the yummiest, most attractive meal is named the winner by a panel of somewhat-celebrity judges and they hold the title of  king high Iron Chef, at least for that episode.

It can be quite the entertaining show, but given the ever-growing list of  restraints I have beeen given in my own kitchen arena, I fail to see the real challenge there.  Wouldn't it be more amazing if there was more than one secret ingredient and if those secret ingredients were things that they could NOT use?  Yah!...let's see someone who can whip up dinner at my house, every night without using any dairy (including cheese), soy sauce (or soy anything), onions (how do you cook without onions?), citrus (bye bye lemon zest), sausage, ham, bacon, nuts, msg, or Red 40, and...make it yummy! 

Do you know the secret behind Julia Child's success?  Butter and wine.  She's a culinary icon because she stuck butter and wine in everything and it tasted good.  Bravo Julia, you're not only a genius, but somehow a superhero as well.  Imagine what she could have done with bacon drippings and sugar?  We'd have a Nobel Laureate for sure.

Once again,  show me what you can do with one hand tied behind your back...then I'll be impressed.

It's not like I'm Paula Deen.  I am not actually trying to kill people with my delicious cooking, I just want to use an onion now and then...maybe a little soy sauce once in a while. Cheese, please? There has got to be some way to keep my inner Italian happy without giving my husband a brain tumor.

Tonight, we had Lemony Lentil Soup with Greens...but of course, minus the lemony, minus the onions. wasn't that bad...for me.  But for the kids?  Sometime, you should just see their faces.
Talk about pleasing a panel of judges.  Could there be a more cruel jury than the undeveloped tastebuds of youth?
"Why anyone would want to have food allergies is beyond me." (Carol Burnett in Annie...well kinda)


  1. So you have to explain this a little more. Why can't I remember hearing about food allergies in your family? Is this something new or we just haven't eaten together in a while! :) Join the crowd- cooking is a joy.

    1. Amy- we're discovering that Mark has the same disease as Frances does. Food born migraines. fun, eh?