Thursday, May 17, 2012

I Loaf You...

One of the smartest things my husband ever did resulted in having a loaf of bread thrown at his head. If you can handle an 18 slice whack to the too can have wedded bliss.  It was very early on in our marriage. I was just discovering what it was like to come home at the end of a long day, anxious to catch up and reconnect with my sweetheart, only to find that Captain Jean-Luc Picard and the entire crew of the Starship Enterprise were on a five-year steal his brain. 

In other words; if Star Trek was on...I was invisible and inaudible.  Literally. Star Trek was his version of football and you football widows know what that's like. I was flabbergasted, crushed, and eventually...irate.  In all my 20 years of life and what little maturity came with that, I opted for what I now know to be "emotional extortion" or in Mormon lingo "unrighteous dominion".  I went in the bedroom and pouted.

Now I know that his reaction was probably more lucky than it was deliberate, but nevertheless, there couldn't have been a more proper response to my sulking.  He did nothing.  Nada.  My bad behavior went completely unrecognized. A year went by, if a day, with this pattern of bad behavior when suddenly one night, I gave up.  I threw in the towel, or in this case...the loaf.  After repeatedly trying to ask him an important question and not getting as much as a simple grunt in reply, pure exasperation possessed me and I grabbed the nearest non-lethal object and hurled it at his head. It was a loaf of bread.

BAM.  It got his attention. Then I walked out of the room.

I never cared after that.  My happiness became my own responsibility, independent of him. It took me another decade to learn to apply that to every aspect of our relationship, but it was worth the journey.  Had he ever responded to my little tantrums, I would have learned quite a different lesson and would have possibly become a rather manipulative little punk. Not only did this new approach to life make me happier,  it made me more interesting to be around too.  It started to be his idea to hang out with me and do what I was doing.  And after I stopped perceiving Star Trek as the enemy, I started watching it with him and discovered it was a really good show, geekiness and all. is my mission, my duty, and my joy to share that message with others in hope that it opens up a few new possibilities for them, and an entirely new 'frontier' of happiness. Let's do this, girls. Engage!


  1. That is so funny. You never sat down to enjoy the show with him?

    1. Yes, as a matter of fact. I should add that part. as soon as I stopped seeing show as the enemy, i actually started watching it with him, and watched it up to the very last episode.

  2. This comment has been removed by the author.

  3. So are you suggesting I should hunt Hans down and throw a loaf of (preferably gluten-free) bread at him? ;) Who needs therapy when you have a loaf of bread, anyways? Haha I think I'll give this a shot in the future. Or, even better, since you have a good bread-arm, when he shows up in Chicago, could you chuck a loaf at him for me? I think this is genius :D *making mental note*